The second type of church queen is my favorite. This—one—here, honey! I call him the choir member – He, unlike the church mother, is not fully immersed in the church. He will suck you off or eat you out in the basement of the church should you give him enough motivation, however after he will feel guilty, not talk to you and pretend he doesn't know you ( just a heads up). We know him … Some of us have been with him …. We have him as our friend, however generally they are coworkers. They are the ones that don’t go out much to gay events, but when they do, they drink the most, twerk the most, and want the most sex.
Where am I going with this? Firstly - I just want to say for all those that will read this; You can love Jesus and love men all in the same day! The black church sadly has added to the psychological damage we as black gay men face on a daily basis. Some of us never quite seeing through the guise of religion are still reliving this trauma every Sunday. Could you imagine how damaging it is as a young black man going to church in your community with people who look like you, who you think would understand that you already face ridicule and persecution because of the color of the color of your skin from the outside world? Rather than becoming a well of support they stoke the fire making you feel even less than. You know the sermon of which I speak it starts from something like … ‘ I want to talk about these gay men, these DL brothers, these homosexuals…. it's disgusting, it's a sin, y'all better get right!’ Sounds familiar? Consider the psychological damage, and the impact this has on a boy lets say 7 -10 years old who is struggling with these feelings towards the guy who lives in his neighborhood. Is it any wonder that homophobia in the black community is still so prevalent, or why so many are ashamed to stand firmly in their truth, and be black, gay and beautiful. You see I understand the church queen because they are the ones among us who’ve been told from a young age it is wrong to be gay. They are the ones among us who are the most afraid to be themselves because they don’t quite know who they are. They cling to the homophobic churches they grew up in or were raised in hoping that the feelings will go away, the urges will stop, and they can be ‘normal.' I understand them because like them so many of us are just as broken.
Now … I am not saying you should or should not go to church. That is your decision I am just here to ki ki with you and in so doing talk about some real shit. I grew up in the church; I am by no means a church queen, but I know them well. I am however advocating that we check ourselves. Why are we supporting churches that do not support us? Why do we love churches that do not love us back? Why the FUCK are funding their collection plates when they rally to sabotage initiatives, and services we desperately need? I make no apologies, but I will not support a church that does not support me. Life is complicated, it is never black, and white I do not expect this issue to be black, and white some will agree with me, some will not. I cannot help but wonder if the black church as we know it is part of the problem. HIV is at its highest in the black community among both black MSM ( men who have sex with men ) and heterosexual men. When was the last time one of these churches had free testing after service or on the weekends? When was the last time they started an initiative to help the street boys get off the street? What is the role of the church in the black community? If you want to go to church, then I encourage you to love and respect yourself well enough to attend a church that supports all of who you are, and not just the parts of you they like. I cannot tell anyone what to do, that is not in my place, but I can initiate the conversation hoping for the best. OHHH, and that pastor that was in my bed … He now pastors an openly gay church ( side eye).