Allow me to submit to you that from birth; we black and brown boys have been beaten down. We are colored in a world that takes offense to the beauty of our melanin. We are gay in communities and families that resented our sexuality, and gender expression. We grew up beaten down, pressed on every side, and though for some the attacks may not I have been verbal, they were psychological, we could not be who we innately are at Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas or any large family gathering .
Many of us spent and spend our time trying not to ‘out’ ourselves, trying not to become community gossip , and family arguments. As a result of this trauma many of us suffered from a lack of self-esteem, and others underlining psychological issues that started from the cradle, and now acts like yokes around our necks. Eventually, for some, it became ok for our families to know that we were gay, but not that we had Sex ‘Gay Sex.' Sex is taboo, ‘gay sex’ is viewed as repugnant out of fear and us in the gay community have not redefined ourselves to help disqualify this argument. Few of us have been able to break this fear and live in our truth. In the gay community, we are ever so quick to lash out, and publicly eviscerate anyone who dares to try actively to satisfy their sexual desires. It's not that we hate them, but we hate ourselves for being unable to live in our own truth - so when this other bitch comes along who is doing it; oh honey we can’t take her, and we don't like her. Has anyone ever disliked you for no reason, didn't know you but just didn't like you? Chances are you are doing something they are too afraid to allow themselves to do. We are sexual beings, our minimizing the role of sex to give us release mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally is doing a lot more damage than good to us as a community. I worry for the minds of the young black gay boys, girls and persons.
Believe me, when I say- You can have sex, you can say you love having sex, you can be vocal about having sex, and still be an upstanding member of your community. For over 25 years an epidemic has been ravishing our community, and ripping those we love right out of our bedsheets – I speak of HIV. We refuse to have an open public discussion about sex, gay sex. Instead, we have created more stigma around the topic and act of sex, further perpetuating the fear of gay love and gay sex. We have digested this pill of false modesty, and privacy saying that what I do is nobody business, and we refuse to talk about sex and how powerful it is. Well look – it is obvious that as a community we are having sex, and having sex with each other, the candles, and memorial services are a haunting testament to this truth. I challenge you to examine and reflect on why you have sex with whom you have sex with? Are you filling a void, trying to mend your brokenness? Hear me when I say to you that you are –WORTH so much, and your body should be given to those that will cherish it, it took me a long time to knows this, but now I do. Sex is a part of what it means to be human, and it can be a beautiful thing by all means have it but on your terms. You can be a sexually expressive, and still be success, smart,kind, and faithful, sex should not and does not define who you are .
No one should be made to feel less than because they have a certain number of sexual partners or because they have sex often and not with the same person. It is not my responsibility neither is it yours to police anyone's sheet. Do you boo, but do it well. Don’t allow your personal life to stain your professional life. Sex is a powerful thing it has caused wars, and great nations to crumble. The power of sex has not changed nor had the mess it can cause if don’t use judgement. It complicates things; in the heat of the moment it seems like a great idea but after that nutt during the clean up the reality begins to set in – think long run. I am not saying don't do it, I am just saying think about how it will affect you if you have sex with your landlord, and it was bad, so you decide not do it again, and then the pipes in your apartment go bad but you been avoiding him, and now you got no water ! See Long run. To my younger brothers and sisters my last piece of professional advice – do not sleep with people you work with or know you will work with. It is never worth it the people you sleep with ain't your friends, stop lying to yourself about that. I encourage us all to live unapologetic lives.