Can I just get a nutt


Volume Ia

Can I just get a nutt and live a little?

Here's the T-

I love to have sex ! When I say sex I don’t mean the 10 minute lack luster, fake moan , boring generic copy that you see these girls on porn hub making at home- ( y'all need to stop with those low budget videos).When I speak of sex, I mean sweaty , toe curling , body spasming after ejaculating , eyes rolling up into my head, grabbing his arms, and the sheets as he is digging in deeper, and faster, and my mouth has no choice but to let out deep moans because it feels so good all over – that type of sex…. I will allow that to settle with you for a while… I’ve had sex almost everywhere except for two places, church, and an airplane.

With those opening sentences many of you have come to a conclusion about me. I shared something that many consider privates that means you know me , right ? After all once you know someone's sex life you basically know them, and can cast aspersions about who they are,right? We are defined by our sexual practices , right? I am sex positive- meaning I like to have sex , and I actively seek to fulfill my need for sex. If I am with someone that means I have sex with that person but if I am not then I am having sex with whom ever I choose. I would like to dream of gay a world where I can have sex,great sex unapologetically, and be shamed or be labeled.

We are fake! Many of us are just down right fake. We just refuse to live unapologetic lives that make us happy. We try to create, to maintain a fake image of ourselves others have grown to tolerate. We are so fixated on what others may think of us ,as if gay life is a huge popularity competition. We live in fear . If our friends, and family really knew who we were; that we love sex ,and love a lot of it. If they knew that many of us have nude pictures or take them, to send on social media , if our friends, and family knew we had an active jack’d account especially late at night , and we made these little thirty second videos to send to the dude we trying to smash – then our little fake world would come all crumbling down! We’ll be labeled as hoes.

Our community is structured in a way that you can love sex , but you can't love it too much , or can’t do it too often less you be defined by your sexual inclinations. I can’t say I love sex because then I’ll be judged as a HOE. So I hide from my friends,and family I put myself in meaningless relationships so I can have sex. I don’t really love my partner, I don’t even like them, but at least I can have sex as often, and as ‘dirty’ as I want, and no one can say anything, and maybe, just maybe I can feel a little better about myself. I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I want to have sex. Please understand I am not questioning peoples motives , what I am attempting to do is engage you in a dialogue as to why are we judging others based on their sexual expression. I am challenging the fear the gay boy and man faces when it comes to his sexual freedom. We wonder why gay relationships are so volatile, and an alarming number don’t last , I think it's because many of us enter them for the wrong reasons. Some of us don’t need lovers or boyfriends ,we need fuck buddies but aren’t honest enough or not intrude with ourselves enough to know this.

I say this with love – no man, big dick or little dick , phat ass or small ass can fill the voids you have in your life. Sex cannot mend your brokenness, nor heal your wounds, it cannot solve your abandonment issues. The real issues is not that we are having sex with multiple people that is not new . The issue is we are trying to fill a void with a nutt , and orgasm trying to put a bandage on a wound that runs deep.

[TBC - to be continued]

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This is a Baltimore City Health Department's social innovation project in collaboration with various priority populations in Baltimore