Chapter (s) With Cedric Gum Vol 3
Let's talk about sex!
Yeah, we all know the smash hit from Salt n' Pepa in the 90's. If you don't, I'll assume you're too young to be reading this post. However, I want to talk about the intricacies of passion, pleasure, and penetration and how they've been impacted and/or enhanced since my diagnosis.
I have a love/hate relationship with sex. Yes, it is great, and there are moments when instant gratification is an epic and climactic scene; however, I still hate the emptiness I feel once it's over. The intensity of the passion that erupts upon penetration creates a sense of pleasure that completely erases all other thoughts and for a moment, I'm whole again.
Where the hell is my self-worth, you ask?
After my diagnosis, my self-worth was an all time low. Anyone who showed me attention or overtly announced that they wanted sex got it. The yo-yo effect transpiring with my emotions was getting out of control. One day I'm happy, and my outlook on life is at an all-time high; however, other days I found myself seeking the attention or affection from anyone willing to give it.
0.02 miles its lovely when the profile mentions "NSA fun and mobile." Yes, Gawd! Come on over. Bang these cakes. Give me what I want. Leave. I'll block you in just a moment.
Yeah, I don't quite know how or why I'd begun to "use" men or have men “use” me for sex. All I know is that it happened. I enjoyed being in the moment, but once the scene was over, I was left looking for the next actor to cast in the never ending production of “Go, Lover! Make Ceddie proud.”
Filling a void?